my defintion of personality

im not gonna make excuses for not updating my blog..i just didnt..deal with it!! =.="

but nway last weekend i was down in Manchester with an old friend. Its funny how in my life some of the people i still keep in contact with today, are probably the last people in the world i reckon i'd still be talking with a few years ago. i like the way life has railroaded my aquaintances into this mesh of awesomely quirky and interesting troup of people that i rally in my mental view of the world under the banner of "friends". Now i say "friends" not because i dont trust their honest intention of being my friends...not because i think they have an alterior motive of being my "friend" but more because i find the term an odd one....

Shakesphere once stated that “A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.”

personally i love shakesphere for i feel he dissociates himself from society thus allowing him to have a clear view of the world as it is... from the eyes of an impartial observer... when you are busy living life it is impossible for you to be impartial... but maybe it is for this reason i dont at all agree with what he says... i dont think anyone knows who i am...i dont think anyone knows who anybody is... i feel at least from my eyes i allow people to see what i want them to see... if i like their company ill show my redeeming qualities... humor.. politeness...chivalry.. patience... kindness ... (i know i sound like freaking jesus... with the exception of the ability of walking on water or turning water into wine) but for people whose company i dislike... im more vile... i show disinterest... weak chuckles.. lack of eye contact.. semmingly preoccupation with trivial tasks...

Newton's Third Law applied if you may... for every action there is a reaction... therefore peoples action towards me envokes a reaction... which in turn invokes another reaction towards them... and so forth... so how can someone know me as i am if they have not seen who i am towards everyone... arent we afterall a sum of our actions... personality as psychologists would have you believe is who you are.. me on the otherhand think its simply a mathematical equation... personality is grouping of similar actions expressed by an individual through his lifetime in reponse to actions by the environment....

Anger for example is a collection of actions in response to an emotional trigger supplied by people or events in the environment for the purpose of showing distaste... halt the pursue of a topic... gaining respect from surrounding peers... etc.

what was i on again? oh yeah i was in manchester and i watched my IMCC video with my friend... she found it hillarious... i couldnt bear to watch, blushing scarlet under my heavily melanin pigmented skin... thinking about it today made me reminescence on times in the past.. ive had good and bad times... but i wouldnt change the canvas of my life for any others... its perfect... and i love who my actions have shaped me into today...

as my favourite poet once said...
Craignez pas le futur, pleurez pas pour le passé...
Fear not for the future..weep not for the past

Homosapiens

Sitting in this dainty apartment I welcome the calming silence washing over me.. wondering how different my life might have been different should I have taken a different path.. if I had continued at GIS.. if I hadn't done medicine... if I got into Edin...

but then I remembered something... a conversation I had sometime back...more of a theory I formulated about the human race. We are governed by our emotions. Pleasure, pain, irritation, fear, unfamiliarity, acceptance are only some of the driving emotions behind how we act. A quiet person is quiet because he/she finds pleasure in silence and may find irritation or unfamiliarity in noise. A jovial person may joke n fool around because he enjoys the attention he derives from his actions and is repelled by silence. A person is moulded into who he is not by who he wants to be but by his/her interaction with the surroundings.. deriving pleasure and discomfort as he toddles his way through life, a simple matter of negative and positive reinforcement.

If that is the case then our friends..the very crux of our social network should and most definitely are the epitope of positive reinforcement.. the Shangri-la of pleasure. Yet everyone of our friends affects us differently, for we are moulded according to our life experiences and no 2 people have the same experiences. Whether we enjoy their company for just being sweet like the icing on a cake..a superficial connection..or if we need them to be around us...craving for them..a throbbing deep inside that can never be satisfied! a flame never extinguished...or if their friendship was the easiest thing in the world..simple effortless yet totally pleasurable not as unhealthy as a drug yet not as superficial as icing on a cake...

Close friends is what I call them...friends that are as easy to be around as sunshine on my skin...as cool waft of air through my lungs..the alluring aroma of freshly baked cookies...effortless friendship.. effortless and totally welcoming.. these friends when not around dont leave a gaping hole like a torn parchment from Iliad's scripture of my life but more of an irritation..bearable but not pleasant... and like anything pleasurable being reminded of it...having experienced it again only makes their absence more accentuated...

One such friend has come and dumbfoundedly, time has melted away like butter on a hot skillet but not before savoring every moment...a friend that truly deserves to be missed.. here's to han ying may u be well in Edin...

fall, fall, arth thou autumn

fall has come and threats to pass

to pave the way for cold hearted winter

the trees, they bald over their frowns

so wither they wont, in the frosty weather

fall, fall, arth thou autumn

lush green tree tops, tainted

the brush of a waddling painter

strokes of yellow streaks

and spots and blotches and stains

a bush or two, they blush azure

peeking scarlet

that of a girls' first crush

oh thy not forget the sun, that dances on the floor of meadows

oh thy not forget the sun, so promiscuous

she runs away when dark clouds billow

purple and black and grey

the jealous rain comes, anew

oh thy not forget fall in Glasgow

oh Glasgow shan’t forget thy autumn

fall, fall, arth thou autumn

"early mornings can make one surprisingly creative"

*darth vader theme music*

*asthmatic breathing*

greetings mere mortals

*asmathic breathing*

i am your...19 year old friend...

*asmathic breathing*

(darth vader must have been a very quiet kid at school...it takes forever to get a sentence out with all that breathing in between...OMG imagine if he joined a public speaking contest...ppl'd go...

"hey check out this itinerary"

"hmmm...yeah thats weird"

"sure is...that darth kid's speaking tomorrow...but he's the only one the whole day"

"man thats just discrimination...just because he's BLACK!"

"oh well guess i can go home early tomorrow"

or so they thought

*darth vader theme music*

Hah! i guess i've returned to this crummy few megabytes of me on9! after my old blog went defunked i never thought i'd return...oh well this is to a new begining

y i started again?! i was stressed studying for EOS so i made a blog...

i know what ur thinking "YOU NEVER HEARD OF TV?!" Hehe
plus i need attention...Hehe n a blog is one of the only ways i see of getting that!

and i can keep tabs on all the ppl that mean soo much *sob* to me *sob**sob* you all have touuu..cc...*sob**sob* "I CANT GO ON!!" *sob*

*footsteps running away*

other than that it is to keep my secret double life of a vigilante and a double agent (oh yeah...and a part time sushi chef...vigilante and double agents dont pay well) for a national organization that i am not at liberty to name, a secret, from parties that i am not at liberty to mention...for your safety and mine :)

I've already said too much

*footsteps running away*

be warned this soon to be active blog will be full of typos as i am infamously known for...i only bothered correcting this post coz it is my first...till i update my blog regularly...

Cheerios general public!